So, seriously. I’m still pining over a friendship that gave up on me almost two years ago? Why does this still get to me? Why am I still a little bit of a stalker? It makes me feel pathetic. That I still look for whatever little snippets of information I can find. Just so I can know how she’s doing, what’s going on in her life. I’m heartbroken that she has no interest in the kids that called her “Aunt.” I knew she lost one of her pets, even before I read about it, and I feel bad for her because I know how much she loved him, and I miss her “furbabies.” I hope her parents and in-laws are okay, I think about them, too.
I’m thinking of taking a drive over to her mother’s house. Two Christmases in a row, I’ve opened my box of decorations to find the flying pig she gave me. It’s like being kicked in the chest every time. I’m pretty sure she said it came from her mom, so maybe it will be less traumatic to return it through her. Now that I say that, though, I’m more than half afraid that seeing her mother will put me in a similar state to what I was in last time I saw HER.
This isn’t fair.
I would love to know why I care at all anymore. And why I’m still letting it hurt me. Every time I think I’ve moved on, I look around at the people around me, and realize that I still haven’t let anyone in. I still have this horrible wall that I HATE, but I can’t seem to tear it down.
I guess it’s a good think I’m going to spend my work time in the lab, now. Being friendly is no longer a part of my job description. I just have to “get along.” Hurray for promotions.
January 4, 2011 at 4:18 am |
It is definitely time to let this stuff go. I have such a good life. A beautiful family, an amazing horse, newfound joy in my new sport, and a promotion that comes with a raise.
January 20, 2012 at 8:51 pm |
Sometimes it’s not easy to let go of the past, especially when it’s still what you want in your present. I wish I had some magical words of wisdom to make it all better, but I don’t. About all I can say is that I’ve been there too, and have a shoulder for you if you ever need one. Don’t be afraid to ask.